So. Today is Saturday. I’m struggling, or rather still struggling. I don’t know how to grieve. Is there a right way to grieve, a wrong way? I’m not a person who is willing to show a lot of painful stuff. I don’t generally cry in public. That takes an overwhelming amount of stress. I’m not overwhelmed. I’m just not alright. I don’t know if I’ll ever be alright.

I sometimes wonder if I'll ever want to search for someone else to spend my life with. It's a purely intellectual exercise. Anyone who would want to spend time with me would have to 1. be okay with not having sex with me; 2. be okay with not getting a whole lot of snuggling; 3. understand that I need a lot of alone time; 4. understand that I'm peopled out really easily; 5. understand that my work requires that I keep many things confidential. Think there's anyone in the world okay with those things? Yeah. Neither do I. However, all that's moot since I don't want to have anyone else in my life. It's not that I feel like I'd be dishonouring Thomas in any way, he'd want me to be happy. It's that getting, forming and maintaining a relationship, especially a close relationship, is very energy intensive. I don't have that energy.